09/30/2020 By Jamie Northup
” Staying up till 2am playing a game on my I-phone, getting read for a biopsy to confirm if I had lymphoma.
Three days earlier, walking into an urgent care joking “just checking to make sure I don’t have cancer.” A week later doing chemo, being told I have Hodgkin’s lymphoma stage 4, going from “favorable”, “resistant” to “high risk aggressive” to “refractory”. I remember being furious about chemo not working, that I ate an apple in my neutropenic state: “that’ll show them”. Hearing the chimes of “hot dog, hot dog.” On my nephew’s Mickey Mouse toy, as I sobbed on the floor when my cancer “came back.”
“I’m going to die.”
Apologizing to my parents that they had to be “those” parents with “that” sick child.
Pushing through transplant and a clinical trial and I am okay. Learning to become “okay” as life around me kept moving as I stood still, and learning to do things that I enjoy such as rock climbing and riding my motorcycle. Going out on adventures big or small.
Having GYRT is getting up again and again. Dragging out of that sinking hole you were kicked in and realizing the other people doing the same thing around you, and others at the top hands out reached ready to take your hand when you are ready. It is turning around and then sticking out your own hand to the ones pulling themselves out of that same pit.”